How to choose the right therapist

“Therapy works best when you feel safe enough to be honest — and supported enough to stay with what’s difficult”

Searching for a therapist can feel surprisingly vulnerable. You might be dealing with anxiety, grief, relationship stress, trauma, identity questions, or simply a sense that something needs to change — and then you’re faced with profiles, acronyms, fees, and “approaches” that all sound similar.

The good news is: you don’t need to be an expert in therapy to choose well. You just need a few clear anchors — what to look for, what to ask, and what to trust in yourself.

Start with what you want help with (and what you don’t want)

Before you contact anyone, take two minutes to write down:

• What you’re hoping will be different after therapy (even loosely).

• The main themes you’re bringing (e.g., grief, trauma, self-esteem, relationship patterns, life transitions).

• Anything you don’t want (e.g., a highly structured approach, lots of homework, spirituality, a focus on diagnosis).

You’re not committing to a “perfect goal.” You’re simply giving yourself a compass.

Check credentials and professional registration

In the UK, “counsellor” and “therapist” aren’t protected titles, so it’s wise to verify training and membership. A reputable therapist will make this easy.

Look for:

• A recognized training route (often diploma/degree level and substantial supervised practice)

• Membership/registration with a professional body (commonly BACP, UKCP, NCPS, NCS, or for psychosexual work, COSRT)

• Evidence of clinical supervision and an ethical framework

• Clear policies on confidentiality, safeguarding, and boundaries

If a therapist describes themselves as a specialist (e.g., trauma, EMDR, psychosexual therapy), it’s fair to ask what training supports that claim.

Understand “modality” without overthinking it

You’ll see words like person-centred, psychodynamic, CBT, integrative, EMDR, IFS, somatic, and more. These are different ways of understanding distress and supporting change.

A simple rule of thumb:

• If you want practical tools and structure, you might prefer something CBT-informed or skills-based.

• If you want depth, patterns, and emotional roots, psychodynamic/relational approaches may appeal.

• If you want a blend tailored to you, integrative therapists often work across approaches.

That said, research consistently suggests the quality of the therapeutic relationship matters a great deal. So don’t get stuck trying to “pick the perfect model” before you’ve even spoken to someone.

Read their profile for how they think, not just what they list

When you read a therapist’s website or directory profile, notice:

• Do they speak in a way you understand?

• Do you feel respected as a whole person (not reduced to a problem)?

• Do they sound overly certain or “one-size-fits-all”?

• Do they explain how they work, not just what they treat?

A good profile should feel both professional and human.

Practical fit matters more than people admit

Therapy only works if you can actually attend it.

Consider:

• Location or online option

• Session times that suit your life

• Fee level and whether it’s sustainable

• Frequency (weekly is common; some people do fortnightly)

• Cancellation policy (life happens — clarity helps)

• Accessibility needs and comfort with the setting

There’s no shame in choosing what’s workable.

Ask for a brief initial call or first-session clarity

Many therapists offer a short introductory call. If not, your first session can still be used to ask questions and get a feel for the match.

Helpful questions include:

• What is your training and professional membership?

• Have you worked with issues like mine before?

• How would you describe your style — gentle, direct, structured, exploratory?

• What might therapy with you look like over the first 6–8 sessions?

• How do you work with trauma / grief / relationship patterns (if relevant)?

• How do you handle moments where clients feel stuck?

• What are your confidentiality and safeguarding boundaries?

A solid therapist won’t be defensive. They’ll welcome informed clients.

Green flags and red flags

Green flags:

• You feel listened to, not analysed or rushed

• They explain things clearly and check your understanding

• They respect pace and consent (especially with trauma)

• They’re transparent about fees, boundaries, and confidentiality

• They invite collaboration rather than acting as “the expert” on you

Red flags:

• Promises of guaranteed results or “quick fixes”

• Pressure to disclose more than you’re ready for

• Vague or inflated claims of expertise with no training details

• Blurred boundaries (over-sharing, messaging excessively, dual relationships)

• Shaming language or a lack of curiosity about your context (culture, identity, values)

If something feels off, you’re allowed to choose differently.

Trust your nervous system — and give it time

It’s normal to feel anxious in early sessions. Therapy can be tender. The question isn’t “Do I feel comfortable talking about everything immediately?” It’s more like:

• Do I feel respected here?

• Do I feel safer over time, not smaller?

• Can I imagine building trust with this person?

Sometimes it takes 2–3 sessions to know. And if it’s not the right fit, you can leave. That isn’t failure — it’s good self-advocacy.

A gentle closing thought

Choosing a therapist is not about finding someone “perfect.” It’s about finding someone safe enough, skilled enough, and aligned enough to support your growth — at your pace.

Monica C | Integrative Counsellor, MBACP
Therapy with Monica I hello@therapywithmonica.com

This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health care. If you need urgent support, please contact your GP or Samaritans at 116 123.