Relationship Therapy
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious”
Relationships shape us. They can be the place we feel most seen and supported — and they can also be where we feel most anxious, rejected, misunderstood, or alone. When relationships become difficult, it’s not always because you’re “bad at relationships”. Often it’s because you’re carrying patterns that were learned earlier in life, reinforced through experience, or shaped by culture, family roles, and what you had to do to cope.
What is relationship therapy?
Relationship therapy is a form of counselling that focuses on relational patterns — how you connect, communicate, attach, protect yourself, and respond when you feel close to someone or when you feel threatened by conflict, rejection, distance, or uncertainty.
Despite the name, relationship therapy is often one-to-one. It can involve exploring romantic relationships and dating, but it can also focus on family relationships, friendships, workplace dynamics, and the relationship you have with yourself.
It’s especially helpful when you find yourself thinking:
“Why does this keep happening to me?”
“I keep choosing the same kind of person.”
“I don’t know how to set boundaries without guilt.”
“I shut down in conflict — or I can’t stop chasing reassurance.”
“I feel too much / not enough / too sensitive / too guarded.”
“I’m exhausted from overthinking my relationships.”
What might you work on in relationship therapy?
Relationship therapy can help with a wide range of concerns, including:
Dating and romantic relationships
repeated patterns (e.g., unavailable partners, intense starts then painful endings)
fear of abandonment, jealousy, or anxiety in relationships
fear of intimacy, feeling “trapped”, or pulling away when things get close
difficulty trusting or feeling emotionally safe
repairing confidence after betrayal, infidelity, or breakup
Communication and conflict
people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, or struggling to express needs
escalating arguments, defensiveness, or feeling criticised easily
shutdown, stonewalling, or emotional withdrawal
learning to communicate boundaries clearly and kindly
Attachment and emotional needs
anxious/avoidant attachment patterns
craving closeness but fearing vulnerability
feeling responsible for others’ emotions
difficulty receiving care, reassurance, or support
Family and friendship dynamics
complicated relationships with parents, siblings, or adult children
feeling “stuck” in old roles (the fixer, the responsible one, the peacemaker)
guilt, obligation, or cultural expectations around family
friendship breakdowns, loneliness, or difficulty maintaining closeness
Self-worth and identity in relationships
losing yourself in relationships
comparing yourself, feeling “not good enough”, or fearing rejection
identity shifts through change (migration, life stage transitions, motherhood, divorce, career change)
understanding how culture, community, and lived experience shape relating
What happens in a session?
Relationship therapy usually involves careful exploration of your experiences in a way that is non-judgemental and collaborative. Sessions may include:
making sense of what’s happening in a current relationship (or after one has ended)
exploring patterns across relationships and where they may have originated
noticing how you respond to closeness, distance, conflict, or uncertainty
understanding your emotional triggers and protective strategies
building skills for boundaries, communication, and emotional regulation
developing a stronger sense of choice, self-trust, and self-respect
Some sessions feel reflective and emotional; others feel more practical. Over time, the aim is to help you move from automatic reactions to intentional responses.
Why do patterns repeat?
Many relational patterns are learned early — not because anyone chose them consciously, but because they helped you cope. For example:
If you learned that love comes with unpredictability, you might become hyper-alert to changes in tone.
If you learned that your needs were “too much”, you might become very independent and struggle to ask for support.
If you were rewarded for being the “good one”, you might feel guilty setting boundaries now.
Relationship therapy doesn’t blame your past — it helps you understand it, so you’re not forced to repeat it.
A note on confidentiality
Confidentiality is a core part of therapy and will be explained at the start of work, along with its ethical and legal limits, such as safeguarding or serious risk. You should feel clear about what confidentiality means in practice, and you’re entitled to ask questions about this.
What does progress look like?
Progress in relationship therapy is rarely about becoming fearless or “perfect” in relationships. It often looks like:
recognising your pattern sooner (before it takes over)
communicating needs more clearly and calmly
tolerating uncertainty without spiralling into overthinking
setting boundaries without intense guilt or self-doubt
choosing partners and relationships that align with your values
feeling more secure in yourself, even when relationships feel challenging
It’s not about changing who you are. It’s about feeling more free to be who you are — without losing yourself to anxiety, avoidance, or old survival strategies.
Is relationship therapy right for you?
Relationship therapy can be a good fit if relationships are affecting your wellbeing, if you’re repeating dynamics you don’t want anymore, or if you want support navigating relational change with more clarity and steadiness.
If you’re unsure, you don’t need to figure it all out alone — an initial session can help clarify what you want to work on and whether this is the right kind of support for you.
Monica C | Integrative Counsellor, MBACP
Therapy with Monica I hello@therapywithmonica.com
This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health care. If you need urgent support, please contact your GP or Samaritans at 116 123.