What is couples therapy?
“The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships.”
Couples therapy (sometimes called relationship counselling) offers a structured, confidential space for two partners to explore what’s happening in their relationship with the support of a trained therapist. People seek couples therapy for many reasons: recurring conflict, communication breakdown, emotional distance, trust issues, changes in intimacy, major life transitions, or feeling like they’re “stuck in the same loop.”
Couples therapy isn’t about deciding who is right or wrong. It’s about understanding the pattern between you — what happens when you feel hurt, misunderstood, rejected, criticised, or alone — and finding new ways to respond to each other with more clarity and care.
What happens in couples therapy?
Couples therapy usually involves both partners attending together. Sessions may focus on:
how you communicate when things are calm and when you’re under stress
recurring conflict cycles (e.g., one pursues, the other withdraws)
unmet needs, expectations, and the impact of roles you’ve fallen into
repair after ruptures (arguments, disconnection, trust injuries)
building emotional safety and understanding (without avoiding hard conversations)
intimacy and closeness, including sexual communication where relevant
navigating life changes (parenthood, fertility, relocation, illness, bereavement, career shifts)
Many couples also benefit from learning practical tools (for example: slowing conflict, listening differently, speaking more clearly about needs, setting boundaries, and making workable agreements). A good therapist will balance depth (what this taps into emotionally) with practical change (what you can do differently between sessions).
Is couples therapy only for relationships in crisis?
Not at all. Some couples come because something feels strained or distant; others come proactively to strengthen communication and connection. Couples therapy can also support you when you’re deciding what happens next — including, where appropriate, exploring how to separate in the least harmful way.
A note on confidentiality and boundaries in couples work
Confidentiality is a core part of therapy and is explained at the start of work, along with the limits of confidentiality, such as where safeguarding or serious risk of harm applies.
Couples therapy also has some additional boundaries that are usually covered in the therapy agreement, for example:
how individual contact with the therapist is handled (if at all)
how the therapist manages information disclosed separately
expectations around respectful communication in sessions
how risk, safeguarding, and support are managed if the relationship includes coercion, fear, or harm
An ethical therapist will be clear about these boundaries so you both know what to expect.
What does “integrative” mean in couples therapy?
As an integrative counsellor, I draw from more than one therapeutic approach so the work can match your needs as a couple. This can include:
Person-centred principles: creating a respectful, non-judgemental space for both partners
Attachment-informed work: understanding how closeness, fear of loss, or disconnection may link to earlier relational experiences
Psychodynamic thinking: noticing how past experiences, defences, and “old wounds” can show up in present conflict
Skills and strategies: where helpful, using practical tools for communication, emotional regulation, and repair
Integrative couples work aims to be both relationally sensitive and grounded in what helps you function day-to-day.
Common themes couples bring to therapy
Couples therapy can help with many relational challenges, including:
communication problems and recurring arguments
loss of connection, resentment, or feeling like “roommates”
trust difficulties (including recovering from betrayal)
differences in needs, values, or future plans
intimacy concerns and sexual disconnection (within therapist competence/scope)
navigating family pressures, culture, identity, and expectations
parenting stress and changes in roles after children
conflict around money, mental load, or decision-making
If something is outside a therapist’s competence or isn’t suitable for couples therapy, an ethical practitioner will discuss this openly and explore appropriate support or referral options.
How to choose a couples therapist
It’s reasonable to ask about:
the therapist’s training and experience in couples work
professional registration (for example, BACP membership/accreditation status)
how they structure couples sessions and reviews
fees, cancellations, and what happens if one partner stops attending
supervision (ethical practice includes ongoing clinical supervision)
Most importantly: you should both feel respected and able to speak, even when sessions are challenging.
What can change through couples therapy?
Progress often looks like:
fewer escalations and quicker repair after conflict
clearer, kinder communication (even when you disagree)
more understanding of each other’s emotional worlds
healthier boundaries and fairer relational “contracts”
rebuilding trust through consistency and openness
renewed intimacy and connection, where possible
Couples therapy isn’t about perfection. It’s about becoming more aware of what happens between you — and building a relationship that is more intentional, honest, and supportive.
Monica C | Integrative Counsellor, MBACP
Therapy with Monica I hello@therapywithmonica.com
This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health care. If you need urgent support, please contact your GP or Samaritans at 116 123.